Boy Next Door

He stands at six foot something, has a chest and abs you could bounce coins off, a head of adorable blonde hair complimenting his chiseled features – complete with dreamy eyes and a set of teeth you would only find in a Colgate ad. Hailing from sunny California, he is every Australian gay guys wet dream.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Probably because it is. Out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, a guy named Caleb McCallum (honestly guys, the name should have given it away) appears on Facebook. To get the ball rolling, he (I mean – I) added twenty or so of the most ‘influential’ homosexuals in Adelaide. Twenty four hours later, that number had tripled. Five days on, and that number had entered the 200′s.

CALEB YOU'RE SO AMAZING

I thought Facebook was about connecting with people you know, or at least have some vague connection to. Oh wait, I forgot: this is the gays of Adelaide we’re talking about. The imaginary Caleb looks like (and funnily enough, IS) an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Throw in a few convincing stats, a mild explanation of his reason for moving from an amazing state like California to….South Australia, and I had more than one homosexual at my feet.

They had no interest in asking me about life in sunny California, or why I was here, or even what I enjoyed doing. Topics that arise in normal conversation do not apply when the gays begin to froth at the mouth over a new, hot specimen. It’s straight into hook up/cock size/webcam related rubbish. YAWN.

Every time I refreshed Caleb’s oh so FAKE account, I had five to eight more friend requests, three to five more messages regarding a sexual meet and greet (if you’re going to proposition someone for sex, at least change your relationship status, guys). Every comment, every like, every message had absolutely nothing to do with Caleb as a person, rather Caleb as a sex object.

I even uploaded a random body shot of a guy from www.guyswithiphones.com to see if anyone was perceptive enough to rat Caleb out as the faker fakey he is. Nobody did. No doubt to preoccupied fapping ferociously to the newest addition to Caleb’s wall of orgasm inducing photos to realise this guys chin, his shoulders… almost everything was different to the original Caleb images.

Fucking hell, guys.

I must say, it would be a little disheartening for the attractive people of the world, once they get the most out of being drop dead gorgeous, to be left with the feeling that people only see a nice body and face – rather than the person behind the temporary looks. It has also been disappointing to witness, yet again, homosexuals proving themselves to be utterly shallow, vapid and have again taken the crown for being the most promiscuous beings I have ever come across.

This social experiment will no doubt make me one of the most loathed people in Adelaide. Meh. You are the morons who didn’t even attempt to put two and two together; only bothering to see as far as a decent face and muscled body. Instead of poo pooing me, take a look at yourselves and how you judge others. If poor Caleb had been real, he would have been disgraced at how Adelaide chose to ‘welcome’ him.

Welcome to Adelaide you hot piece of ass, come sit on my cock.