The Anti-IRL Movement

I’m a little ill as of late. Nothing life threatening, although I am certain my throat has literally inherited some sort of throat demon which is currently wreaking havoc on my esophagus.

Suffice to say I am not in the most ideal of moods. However, this has given me an opportunity to reflect on my somewhat… unhealthy relationship with the Internet and, to be more precise, my Facebook ‘habit’.

When I wake up, the first thing I do is check Facebook.

When I’m at work, my left hand is constantly on the refresh button on my Facebook iPhone app.

If I am anywhere near any sort of electronics device that carries Internet capabilities, Facebook is my first port of call.

My name is Seph – and I am a Facebook addict.

At first, I used Facebook as an entertaining outlet, an online playground to exorcise my immature, sarcastic and downright disapproving behaviour on my unsuspecting demographic: the gays. Unfortunately, unlike Liza and Cher, the gays HATE me. I mean HATE with a capital HOMO. I also found Facebook an ideal website to put across opinions, make judgement and pave the way for all the rogue homosexuals in this world.

Now? I’m glad to see the back of it. As of half an hour ago, my account is no longer active. My profile image is probably a sad silhouette of its former self, and all online evidence of me has been placed in social networking limbo. Indefinitely. Facebook is no longer an enjoyable, time passing experience.

Not only is the company itself continuing forth in a direction that I am uncomfortable being apart of (privacy exploits, web monopolisation and jewgold – oh my!) , the ever increasing Facebook population has become nothing more than a blur of incessant LIKES, yawn inducing updates (cool, hate your job: no need to tell me daily) and the worst change of all: the obvious and disturbing decline in the (ab)use of the English language.

Facebook has become high school, without having to endure early starts and (real quick, I just went to click my Facebook link. PURELY HABITUAL) uniform standards. The childish harassment is alive and kicking, the ganging up on those whose opinions and ideals differ from the majority is an ever-present evil and the unnecessary emotional attachment to something so insignificant to one’s life in the grand scheme of things is irrefutable.

Facebook is evil, and needs to die now. It will eventually die like every fad that has come and gone, but for now? Get out while you’re still sane.

What have I learnt from my experience with Facebook? People can be extremely stupid and heavily reliant on others to make themselves feel important or needed. Facebook is also a fantastic channel for uncovering the primitive personality traits people usually try to suppress within a real world setting. Saying ‘You can’t judge me, you don’t know me’, does not apply when you are a blatant sociopath, friends.

On a positive, Facebook has gained me a fair few new (real life) friends, so I have to thank the social networking giant for that. I might come back eventually, who knows. Next time around, bitches, you will not know what hit you.

Peace the fuck out.